HER DARK DAYS

Copyright (c) 2017 by Randall R. Peterson ALL RIGHTS RESERVED This is a work of fiction. All persons, locations and actions are from the author's imagination or have been used in a fictitious manner.

“The higher you are … the longer your fall.”

By R. Peterson

Jean Janette Robinson woke up leisurely … smiling. She felt good, actually better than good … great! Although, it took a moment to remember who she was; an eighteen-hour-a-day acting job will do that to a person. Robyn Janette - that’s who she was, Academy Award winning actress and hopefully soon to be a Superstar Grammy Award winner. Her country/pop album Flame Games was number seven on the Billboard charts and climbing daily. Her agent was already writing her acceptance speech. Last night was the best night’s sleep she’d had since … well the night before. There is something absolutely wonderful about falling into bed without drugs and sleeping like a rock; in Hollywood three nights in a row is worth more than an Astor diamond necklace with matching earrings.

Suddenly J.J. realized nobody was lying next to her. He hadn’t left … had he? Oh God! He better still be here! A sudden panic with icy chills washed over her like the cold waterfall shower scene when she played Jane Porter in the jungle epic Tarzan. It couldn’t have been just a dream … not even Tinsel-town writers sleeping on pillows stuffed with cocaine have hallucinations that fantastic. Besides, she could still feel swirling ribbons of goose-flesh running down her arms and legs from where he’d kissed her neck the night before. Things like that aren’t allowed in PG rated dreams. His pillow and the faint impression where he’d slept were both still warm. She brushed her fingers across the silk sheets and her hand tingled with lingering sensations of pleasure.

J.J. slipped into a short, black Azalea Lace robe and almost ran down the stairs. She could smell coffee and hear Seitan sizzling even before she reached the kitchen. She was suddenly hungry - famished and it felt wonderful.

-------2-------

 Johnny Lang turned and smiled as she burst into the room. “Good morning! It’s almost 5:30,” he said pointing to the pink Kit-Cat clock with a swinging tail and eyes that rolled from side to side that he had bought her from a second-hand store. It was now her most endearing possession. “I thought you were going to sleep through church!”

“I have to repent before they let me in.”

Johnny dropped the fork he was holding into the pan as she swept into his arms. “Who the Hell are you, Johnny Lang?” J.J. closed her eyes and allowed the euphoria to engulf her completely.

“Just a guy about to incinerate some soybean bacon. He reached an arm around her picked up the fork, flipped over four slices and then kissed her.

“Can I help?”

“You can pour the orange juice … but try not to burn it this time!”

“Nobody burns orange juice!” She slapped his butt and grinned as she walked to the refrigerator. “What are our plans for the day?”

“I have to be in New York tonight, my flight from L.A. leaves at 2:15. The private jet to Spain leaves LaGuardia tomorrow at 6:20 and I have to be on set in Andalusia by seven Tuesday morning. That means we have about six hours to fool around.”

“No, that means we have twenty four hours to fool around,” J.J. grinned. “I have an apartment in New York and I’m going with you. If you think I’m going to let you spend a night in the Big Apple alone you’re crazy!”

“I thought you were filming tomorrow?”

“Jack Thomas will just have to swallow a few more Xanax,” J.J. smirked as she poured the juice. Both lights on the landline phone on one end of the kitchen counter suddenly flashed like a police car. “Damn it’s him!” she cursed looking at the caller ID. “Do all Hollywood agents have your house bugged?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Johnny said. “I usually sleep in a different Motel Six every night.”

J.J. picked up the phone. “Whatever the Hell it is, it can wait another day or two,” she yelled and slammed down the phone without waiting for a reply.

Johnny poked a slice of vegetarian bacon into her mouth. He had a magic touch. “Mmmm, that is so good!”

            “After we shower, I thought we might take a walk on the beach,” Johnny said. “I always hear my mother’s voice in the waves.”

J.J. grinned. “And what does your mother say?”

            “She tells me to watch out for exotically beautiful, dangerous, breathtaking girls named Jane with a whole lot of animal magnetism.”

            “And why is that?” J.J. led him back up the stairs. He evidently had seen a screening of her last movie.

            “You get too close to the edge of the jungle pit-trap … and you might tumble into love,” Johnny told her.

I hope so, J.J. smiled. I don’t want to be the only one down here.

-------3-------

            The walk on a private beach in Malibu was a dream. Waves rolled onto the sand and tickled their bare toes as they ran and frolicked like children. ‘I never imagined life could be this exuberant - this much fun!” J.J. gasped.

Johnny watched for tiny holes to appear in the sand when the waves receded and dug the clams out with a stick.

            “I’m happy too,” Johnny said. “I thought I’d lost you on Oscar night and I didn’t want to live … if what you call this is living.”

J.J. had not been surprised when the bullet holes in Johnny had healed so suddenly. There was something very supernatural about him … although in a good way. “None of that matters,” J.J. whispered. “All I know is that when I’m with you I feel great … better than great. I feel like I’m in love with living and with you! Please don’t ever leave me!”

“Hanging out with me could be dangerous,” Johnny told her. “The world is always in balance and there is always bad to counter the good. That blissful euphoria you feel inside is just one side of an ancient … coin. You must remember that darkness and sorrow are just a flip away. You’ve heard that your life can change on a dime … sometimes it’s even less than that.”

Johnny tossed the clam down the beach and he and J.J both laughed as a half-dozen screaming seagulls danced around the shell and fought over it.

            “I don’t care about any of that as long as we’re together.” J.J. wrapped her arms around his waist, blew tiny bits of sand off from his cheek … and then she kissed him.

-------4-------

J.J. bought up all the first class seats in front and to the rear on flight 419 from L.A. to New York so that they wouldn’t be distracted. She also had to give three signed copies of her latest CD and have her picture taken with the Delta Airlines ticket agent who claimed she would have to bump passengers … but it was worth it. Johnny laughed when he saw the plane was only half full. “Everyone in LA has a money rake in their back pocket!”

            “At least I won’t have someone asking me if Tarzan really got me pregnant and if I’m going to keep his baby.” J.J. lay back in her seat and stretched out her long legs.

            “I was wondering the same thing,” Johnny said. “But I didn’t want to be nosey.”

J.J. slapped his hand playfully and then let her fingers linger. “I wish you didn’t have to go to Spain. We could spend the week in New York. I know lots of fun things we could do.”

Johnny smiled. “I’ll bet you do but this is my job. I signed a contract.”

            “To hell with the contract,” J.J. said. “You have a bit part in two scenes. What are they paying you – scale?”

            “Yes,” Johnny said. “But my airfare and expenses are paid plus the director said if the scenes work out they might alter the script to give me a bigger part.”

            “I’ll pay you ten times that amount just to stay in New York with me!” J.J. was beginning to get worried; the thought of spending a week without Johnny was terrifying.

            “I’m not the kind of guy who could ever live off from a woman,” Johnny told her. “Not even you.”

            “It wouldn’t be like that!”

            “Yes it would. Maybe not at first but eventually I’d lose my ambition. I’d start clinging to you and become your shadow … and you know what happens to shadows in the bright lights?”

            “They vanish,” J.J. moaned. “That’s what I’m trying to keep from happening.”

            “Don’t worry,” Johnny said. “I’ll never leave you … unless you push me away.”

J.J. was annoyed that the smiling airline attendant kept coming down the aisle and hovering over Johnny. This was the third time she had asked him if he wanted a drink … or anything else. The last time she bent over to take his dinner tray the top two buttons on her airline blouse were undone and strands of her blonde hair had fallen into his lap. There were always plenty of pretty girls at movie locations. They were like bees drawn to honey flowers.

            “I trust you; it’s other women that I don’t,” J.J. pouted. She instantly regretted the statement. She had always found jealousy unattractive. What would Johnny think of her now?

Johnny stared out the window at the clouds streaming past for a moment with his head cocked to one side as if he were listening to something. When he turned back he looked almost sad. “Remember bad times are a part of life,” he said. “I hate it as much as everyone else. All we can ever do is hang on until the coin flips again … but it will … I promise.”

J.J. felt like crying. Does Johnny think I’m a clinger? She closed her eyes and vowed that she would never become that kind of person.

-------5-------

After the plane landed at LaGuardia J.J. and Johnny enjoyed a leisurely dinner at a fairy-light covered outdoor garden called Milk and Roses. Warm sensations! All the waiters were male and J.J. was beginning to feel more confident. She even enjoyed the attention she was getting. Her infatuation with Johnny had made her forget she was one of Hollywood’s hottest actresses soon to be superstar. Smiles all around. The waiter begged for her autograph and squealed with delight when she kissed his cheek. Johnny didn’t seem to mind and even encouraged her to be happy. During desert her phone rang and it was Brent Andrews who was currently on the cover of People magazine as the world’s sexiest man. He said he heard she had just arrived in New York and wanted to take her around the town. “I thought coming here was a secret,” she gushed. Brent Andrews had been her teen infatuation and at one time she had three of his movie posters hung up in her bedroom. “Sorry, but I’m on a date,” she told him.

            “Perhaps another time?”

            “Sure,” she told him.

J.J. looked for any sign of jealousy in Johnny’s eyes or in his behavior but she could see nothing. It’s just me; she thought … I’m the clinger.

-------6-------

The night went by much too fast. Before she knew it Johnny was stepping out of the shower and dressing to meet his plane. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you to the airport? I could call a limo?

            “I’ll take a cab,” Johnny told her. “I want to remember you standing here by the window with the morning light spilling across your hair, not pushing your way through crowds at a busy airport.”

J.J. was already missing him terribly but she knew she had to be strong. “This is an extra key to my apartment and my house in Brentwood. I told the doorman to put you on the list. If I’m not here when you come back … please don’t stay anywhere else.” She handed him a key-ring attached to a grinning white rabbit made of diamonds. “That’s so you’ll remember what we’re going to do when you come back!”

            Johnny took the keys … and then flinched slightly as if he had been burned. “What’s the matter?” J.J. suddenly had a strange feeling of fear sweep over her.

            “Something about these keys,” Johnny said, “a strange kind of Déjà vu feeling.”

            “If you’d rather not take them …” J.J. felt like crying.

            “Don’t be ridiculous,” Johnny said as he took her in his arms and kissed her. “I love you … I want to be part of your life forever!”

-------7-------

J.J. stared out the window and caught a glimpse of Johnny climbing into a cab. Rain was pouring onto the streets in torrents … lightning flashed and then he was gone. An ache settled over her heart that was the most painful thing she had ever experienced. How would she last two weeks without him in her life? She cried until there were no more tears and by shear willpower was finally able to pull herself together. I’ve got to stop this … this clinging … if I don’t I’ll lose him for sure. I’ve got to remember that I’m someone special too … I’ve got to believe in myself if I want him to believe in me. Suddenly her cell phone rang. “Johnny?” she blurted as soon as she picked up.

            “No,” It was Brent Andrews. “But I wish I could storm up that kind of excitement!”

            “Sorry,” J.J. said. “I was just expecting someone else.”

            “I was just wondering if you’d like to get together today … you’re not busy are you?”

            “No, but I really can’t,” J.J. said. “It’s complicated.”

            “Too bad,” Brent crooned. “I had some fun times planned.”

            “Sorry!”

            “Maybe another time!”

J.J. felt more miserable and alone after Brent hung up. What was she going to do for two weeks with Johnny gone? Cry in the apartment day and night? She had to pull herself together her whole world was falling apart because of this strange infatuation. She decided to listen to the radio her song Burn Baby from the album Flame Games was playing. It was as if she had sung the words a thousand times … but never really listened to what they said.

If you want your love to be hot … there has to be flames.

If you want what mother taught … there has to be games.

It’s a cold world so burn baby … burn!

Burn baby burn!

The song ended and the DJ went into a thirty second rant about how hot Robyn Janette was. “If he could only see me now,” J.J. moaned. “I can’t take this anymore. What I need is to make sure this thing with Johnny is real. If it is I can learn to deal with it.” J.J. pressed redial on her cell phone and Brent Andrews picked up on the second ring. “I’ve changed my mind,” J.J. said trying to make her voice sound sexy. “I’d love to do something fun with you today!”

            “I’ll be right over,” Brent said.

            “Just give me enough time to shower and put on makeup!”

J.J. turned the water from blasting hot to icy cold and felt one hundred percent better when she came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her. She couldn’t close herself off from people or no one would love her … including Johnny. It would be a harmless afternoon of sightseeing. She could always claim the studio ordered it for publicity. Something nagged at the back of her mind … did she really want to do this? What the hell was she doing?

J.J. gasped. An obviously naked Brent Andrews was in her bed with the covers pulled up around his hairy chest.

“How did you get in here?” She almost screamed.

            “I told the doorman that I wanted to surprise you … I had to play him a recording of our date plans before he would unlock your door!”

            “You recorded our conversation?”

            “I always do, baby. It’s an old Hollywood trick. People remember a lot better when they can hear themselves saying things.”

            “Get out!”

            “Not until I get what I came for!”

            “You’re not getting anything from me!”

            “If I don’t your boyfriend … Johnny Lang is it? He’ll get a copy of our date plans while he’s on location in Spain. I know the director of the film he’s in personally and he’ll be sure to rub him all the wrong ways.”

            “You bastard! That’s blackmail!” J.J. was angry but more than that terrified. Johnny must never find out. How could she have said something so stupid?

            “Call it what you like … I didn’t get where I am by being a nice guy.”

J.J. was in a corner and was suddenly terrified. What would Johnny think if he heard the tape only minutes after he left her apartment? “If I sleep with you … I get your cell phone to stomp to pieces and your promise to keep your damn mouth shut?”

            “That sounds fine,” Brent said. “But you can’t just sleep with me. You have to act like you’re enjoying it. That shouldn’t be too hard. You got rave reviews for your work in Undercovers Cops.”

J.J. allowed the towel to fall to the floor as she slowly slid into the bed. For a brief moment she remembered her childhood fantasy. Would it be the same? Be strong get through this. It was either do this or kill herself. Halfway through the sex J.J. realized it really was just an act. Brent Andrews was as phony in bed as he was on the screen. What did she ever see in him as a girl?

Brent grunted for the last time and J.J. pushed him off her. She felt dirty. What if the bastard lied what if somehow Johnny finds out about this? My God! What have I got myself into? Even if Johnny never finds out … I still have to live with the fact that I cheated on him! She lay there trying to think of the best way to salvage her life. Maybe she should tell Johnny the truth … perhaps he would understand. What if he didn’t?  She couldn’t live without him if he didn’t.

            J.J. heard the apartment door open but was too stunned to move. She was frozen like a nightmare when your feet are on tracks with a train coming and won’t move. Johnny was walking through the living-room. She could feel his presence. No! God No! He dropped his carry-on bag.

“Wake-up sleepyhead,” his voice called. “The flight has been delayed because of the weather … sorry but you’ll have to put up with me for another … six hours!”

He sounded happy. J.J. could feel herself falling but there was no way to stop it. Please don’t come in here.

The bedroom door opened and Johnny stopped in the doorway. J.J. felt the same rush of euphoria whenever he came near her. He stared at the two in the bed for only a moment and then his eyes seemed to glass over with sadness. “I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I should have knocked.” Johnny turned and walked out. He paused for a moment as if remembering and then dropped the keys with the glittery laughing rabbit on a glass coffee table.”

J.J. heard the keys drop on the glass but it was her heart that broke. And then the apartment door closed and he was gone.

J.J. was too stunned to speak. It was as if time had hit a pedestrian (her) and come to a screeching halt. But she was still alive. She was out of bed and getting dressed in an instant.

            “I guess you won’t need to smash my phone after all” Brent grinned. “Too bad … you really earned it baby!”

J.J. hit him as hard as she could in the face with a tennis shoe before she put it on. Moments later she was running down the hallway with the laces still untied. She had to catch him. Then what? What was she going to say? That she was raped? Lie to the only person she had ever loved?

“Johnny!”

The elevator was too slow so she ran down the stairs skipping two and three at a time. The doorman jumped back as she pushed through the glass doors and onto the sidewalk. How could I ever have been so stupid?

“Johnny!”

She had to find him … try to explain … forever could not end!

            “Are you okay?” The doorman had never seen her looked so disheveled. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have let Brent Andrews in but he had that recording and it was him and he was so insistent …”

J.J. ignored the doorman and ran down the sidewalk trying to look for taxi cabs on both sides of the street … they were everywhere.

“Johnny, Oh my God Johnny! What have I done?” The world was spinning and it was hard to keep her balance - hating herself. Frantic!

J.J. tried to call Johnny’s number but the tears kept washing over her eyes and she pressed the wrong speed-dial button three times. She staggered into a street-light pole banging her head. Finally a recorded voice came on and said the number was no longer in service. She checked and dialed again … the same. Again and again she dialed the number until she finally dropped the phone and took three steps and then crumbled on the sidewalk.

It was no longer two weeks before she’d see him … but never. The truth cut like a cancer surgeon’s knife and she wanted to die on the table.

The pedestrian traffic was coming out in force along with the emerging rays of sunlight. Several people stepped over her but nobody stopped or gave her a second look. There was sticky gum on the sidewalk, dirt on her hands and cigarette butts … all in her hair … and a coin … a penny near her finger but J.J. was beyond caring. She was far beyond anything … even tears … finished.

The rain had stopped and the sun was shining somewhere up above the skyscrapers. All she noticed now were the shadows – long and lonely. It was barely nine O’clock but it was already the darkest day Jean Janette Robinson would ever see … the growing pain in her heart told her it was about to get so much worse ...

TO BE CONTINUED …